Not Alone

So I had an Aha! moment this week. Tiff and I were sitting on the floor discussing God and Jesus. I told Tiff that Jesus is a personal being. He's not her parents Jesus, He's her Jesus. It was about the time that God put in my head something I'd never thought of before.

When Brent died, no person we could see was there with him. Except I believe that Jesus was there. I believe that Jesus came down and sat on that garage floor and cradled Brent in His arms. I can imagine the angels asking, "Why do you hold him?" and Jesus replying, "He's my son. I made him. Now he is dying." I believe that Jesus cried as Brent took his last breath. The bible tells us that Jesus cried when his friend died. Why now when Brent died? I can hear the Angels asking, "Why do you cry?" and Jesus responding, "He was my child."

I think that Jesus stayed with Brent until the police arrived and took the body away. Yes, Jesus is very personal.

Today, I shared these thoughts with my Father in law. With tears in his eyes, he say, "That's what gives me nightmares; thinking about Brent dyeing alone. I wonder did he know it was coming on, did he feel scared?" I asked if these thoughts helped, and dad said simply, "yes".

The Past

I've spent the past couple days digging up the past. No, I'm not out with shovel, hoe and rake, but digging around on the internet and finding people from my past. Now, these are not just from the past few years, but from my childhood. People who were half my age when I was a teenager.

Facebook has been of help. I can remember emotions and feelings that I had back then. I remember what I thought of each of them in the pictures. As I re-connect with these people, I am amazed how we move out of our childish mind sets into adults where we are all equal.

It is truly amazing how these people had an effect on my life. I would hope my kids are a bit more aware of their effect on others as they grow up and go through life.

Eddie

I've had the amazing opportunity to work with Eddie. He's an electrician. He's missing parts of his left hand, I don't know why. Eddie has lost his "Number one Grandson" about a year ago. I happen to like Eddie's son, Doug. Had some dealings with him, and supported him through the rough time of loosing his son. Eddie and I shared a moment after he told me about loosing his Grandson. Eddie rolled up his sleeve, and there on his right bicep, in tattoo ink, was the face of his grand son. As Eddie rolled up his sleeve, he said to me, "I even keep him right here." Somehow, I admire Eddie. So proud of his grandson, that he engraved him forever on his arm. Tell me you would have the guts to do that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating tattoos, but tell me you'd have the guts to make a permanent, always there reminder/memorial of someone who has passed away.

Makes me think of another man who had some engraving done on his hands. He made the ultimate choice to die in my place. He engraved me on the palms of his hands. His name was Jesus. I can imagine one day in heaven, if you ask Jesus what's that scar in his hand, He'll hold up his hand and say, "I even keep him right here." You know, Jesus has you there too.

Yep, I admire Eddie. In fact, after loosing my brother-in-law, I think I like Eddie even more. I also admire Jesus, and love him so very much. So, I'm keeping Brent's car. I'm driving Brent's car. Sure it will hurt at times, sure I will remember, but isn't that the point? I'm keeping Brent's car as a memory of him. I'm going to get past the hurt and maybe I'll even consider a tattoo.